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Charmed | Episode 5x22 | Oh My Goddess! Part 1 & 2
Transcribed By: Drew Fuller Fan.com

*Chris orbs in next to Phoebe who has fell on the ground*
Chris: Don't look into her eyes!
*Chris throws potions over and over at the Titan, until she leaves. Chris helps Phoebe up to her feet*
Chris: You all right?
*Phoebe looks over at Paige who has been turned into stone*
Phoebe: Oh my God. Paige.

Chris: Don't worry, she's all right.
*Phoebe gives Chris a weird look*
Chris: Well, I mean she's not completely all right, obviously, but she's not dead.
Phoebe: Are you sure she's not?
Chris: Frankly, you see this a lot. Museums, universities, town centers. Most of those statues, aren't really statues. They're people like your sister here who've been uh, turned into stone.
Phoebe: Who are you?
Chris: Chris. Chris Perry. I'm... from the future.
Piper: Oh, my God. Tell me that's just a really good likeness of Paige.
Phoebe: No, it's Paige.
Chris: Titan turned her to stone.
Piper: Uh, who --who are you?
Phoebe: That's Chris. He's from the future.
Chris: Yeah, but just like twenty years or so.
Piper: Uh, friend or foe?
Phoebe: Not so sure yet.
Chris: What do you mean? I saved Paige didn't I?
Phoebe: Oh, you call that saving do you?
Chris: Hey, I'm the one who put my life on the line here. I didn't have to drop everything I was doing just to orb in and save her butt from--.
Piper: You orb? You're a Whitelighter?
Chris: Look, where I come from, history shows Paige didn't get turned into stone on this day. She died. And with her death, the power of three died too allowing Titans to rule and create a world you don't wanna see. Trust me. I'm here to alter history. To help you save the future.
Phoebe: Who sent you.
Chris: I can't answer that.
Phoebe: Why not?
Chris: Because anything I tell you could risk changing the future in ways we don't want.
Piper: Who's we?
Chris: All I got to say is, is that if I hadn't of got here when I did, Paige would have been the third Whitelighter victim.
Phoebe: Wait, third? I thought only one was missing?
Chris: Not anymore.
Piper: Leo? Leo!
*Leo orbs in*
Leo: Honey, I'm sorry I missed counseling but--.
Piper: Forget that, we've got bigger problems.
Leo: What happened?
Piper: Forget that too. How many Whitelighters are missing?
Leo: What?
Piper: How many?
Leo: Uh, two. That's what the elders just called me for.
Chris: Believe me now?
Leo: Who's he?
*They hear a crash downstairs*
Phoebe: What was that?

*Piper walks into the attic, Chris is looking through the Book of Shadows*
Piper: What are you doing?
Chris: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone-cold Paige over here.
Piper: Step away.
Chris: Please. Like I haven't looked in this before? By the way, you should update your goblins entry. It'll come in handy some day.
Piper: Goblins?
Chris: Yeah, trust me. It's gonna get ugly. Look, obviously you don't trust me, but I touched the book, right? And the book thinks I'm good, shouldn't you?
Piper: Well, maybe you found a way around that.
Chris: Come on. I'm just trying to help.
Piper: Well then if that's true, tell me how to vanquish the Titans.
Chris: Except you can't vanquish them.
Piper: You mean not without the power of three.
Chris: Maybe not even with that. The only way the Elders could stop them three thousand years ago was by infusing some mortals with a hell of a lot of power. Way more than you guys have.
Piper: So they can do that again.
Chris: Not after what happened last time. When the mortals trapped the Titans, the power went to their heads. They declared themselves Gods and forced the world to worship them. The Elders swore they would never allow that to happen again.
Piper: Hang on a second, I'm having a ninth grade flashback. Are you talking about the Greek Gods Zeus, Athena, Aphrodite, they were mortals?
Chris: Mythology left that part out. Not the only inaccuracy, by the way.

Piper: One thing I'm still not clear about. If the Titans are roaming around, why are they killing Whitelighters?
Chris: Because they need their orbing power.

Phoebe: What did I miss? What did she just figure out?
Chris: Nothing good.

Phoebe: What are you doing over here?
Chris: Nothing. You guys keep this stuff forever, you know that?
Phoebe: You knew the Titans were after the Elders, didn't you? Why didn't you tell us?
Chris: I told you, there's some things I can't tell you. Some things you need to figure out on your own.
Phoebe: Even at the risk of making things worse?
Piper: All right, what's going on? Leo has not responded to any of my calls, and it's been over five hours.
Chris: I really don't know.
Piper: Well, I really think you do.
Chris: Look, you're the one who wanted him to go up there in the first place. Not me. All right, fine. Maybe I do know, and if I'm right he's gonna need some serious alone time.
Piper: You know what? Cut it out with the cryptic crap. You need to go up there and bring him back now. No more games.
Chris: Ok. Fine. I'll go. But if I were you two, I'd focus on freeing Paige, because you're gonna need her. Soon.
*Chris orbs out*
Piper: I swear to God, if he does not come back with Leo I'm gonna blow his ass back to the future orbs and all!

*Chris orbs in to see Leo standing over the dead Elders*
Chris: Leo.
Leo: Why didn't you tell me. Why did you let this happen!
Chris: Easy, easy.
Leo: Why!!!!!
Chris: Because this had to happen! It had to happen so you could do what has to be done!
Leo: What are you talking about? They're all dead. Gone.
Chris: No. Not all of them. Some of the Elders escaped back to earth, but it won't be long before the Titans hunt them down too. But you can still stop them. You can still defeat the Titans.
Leo: How?
Chris: I think you know how.
Leo: It's too dangerous. The Elders forbid it.
Chris: True. But then again, the Elders aren't around to stop you, now are they? That's right, Leo. This is what it's all about. This is why they had to die so could do something they'd never do. Save the future for your family, for your son.
Leo: This is crazy.
Chris: Maybe. But it's our only chance. Like it or not, you've been put into this situation for a reason, Leo. We both have.
Leo: Says you. How do I know you're not trying to manipulate the situation for your own future? Just the way you've manipulated everything else?
Chris: You don't. But what choice do you really have? There's certainly no future unless you do something.
Leo: I don't know. Even if I were to believe you, even if I were willing, I couldn't. I'm no Elder.
Chris: Well, you better start acting like one.

Leo: Piper.
Chris: No.
Leo: She needs me.
Chris: Not as much as the rest of us do. You need to stay here, even afterwards to coordinate.
Leo: All right, then you should go, otherwise the girls won't understand.
Chris: Good luck.
*Chris orbs out*

Piper: You. Where's Leo?
Chris: He's safe, for now. Paige, hi.
Paige: Hi.
Piper: Forget that, what do you mean for now? What's going on?
Phoebe: What is this about us supposedly battling the Titans?
Chris: You're about to find out.
Paige: What's that supposed to mean?
*The Charmed Ones magically morph into Goddesses much to their surprise*
Chris: That's what that means.
Paige: What happened? What are we?
Chris: You're Gods.

Piper: You expect us to beat the Titans dressed like this? Maybe at a costume party.
Chris: That's not a costume. That represents your new position and power.
Paige: Power? Power's good. I like power. Why do I like power?
Chris: Because you are the Goddess of War.
Paige: Oh, well I guess that explains the pitchfork.
Chris: It's not a pitchfork, it's a Trident. Be careful, that's a formidable weapon.
Paige: Who wants to fight?
Phoebe: I'm a lover, not a fighter.
Chris: You're the Goddess of Love.
Piper: Naturally, well then that must make me the Goddess of Sanity because I find this ridiculous.
Chris: Actually, Leo gave you dominion over the earth and all it's natural elements.
Piper: Wait a minute, you're saying that Leo did this to us?
Phoebe: Chris? You never told us, do you have a girlfriend in the future?
Chris: As you can see, all of you have drives and urges based on your powers. Don't let them distract you, all right? Stay focused, focused on the Titans.
Piper: Hold it, pal. I don't know what kind of game you're running here, but Leo is not in the God-making business.
Phoebe: How old are you, anyway?
Piper: The Elders forbid it. And if anything, Leo is a company man.
Chris: The Elders did forbid it. And guess what, they're dead. Most of them. Leo's in charge up there now and he's taking a huge risk that you three won't lose your humanity like the ancient Greek --. Whoa!
*Paige lifts Chris up in the air by dangling him on the end of her Triton*
Paige: You killed the Elders. You could have prevented it. I say we castrate him.
Chris: A little control here ladies, please?
Phoebe: Can't we figure out something else to cut off?
*Leo orbs off the Triton and orbs out to the other side of the room*
Chris: I told you. Stay focused. In my future, all the Elders were killed. That's why I came back, to help Leo give you the power so this would never have to happen again.
Paige: Watch this.
*Paige blows up the piano with her Triton*
Piper: Put that thing down, you're gonna hurt someone.
Paige: I certainly hope so. Do you know the kind of damage this thing could do?
Chris: A lot.
Phoebe: Paige. Make love, not-- you know? There's no door love can't open, no wall love can't climb, no hurdle love can't... hurdle?
Piper: This is Leo's strategy? Well, he must have lost it up there, because these girls can't be seen in public, much less--.
Phoebe: Ooh, that reminds me. I'm late for the bachelor auction. I'm gonna go pick up a guy or two. Or twelve.
*Phoebe transports out*
Chris: Phoebe.
Paige: Ooh, that's a good idea. I'm gonna go get in some target practice with some demons. Watch out Titans.
*Paige transports out*
Chris: I knew this was gonna happen. You gotta go after them.
Piper: Oh, no, no, no. This was your big plan. You clean up the mess.
Chris: No, your role is to provide balance. That's why you feel so grounded and in control.
Piper: Wow, Chris, that was actually pretty good. You almost sounded like a Whitelighter, too bad I already have one. And if he would like me to do something, he can come down and tell me himself. Do you hear that?
Chris: You want Leo? Hmm? Then vanquish the Titans. If you can't do that, you're gonna find out what a world of darkness feels like, my world.

Chris: What the hell is this, Goddesses gone wild? I told you to keep them in line. What would happen if the Titans attacked right now?
Piper: Chris, I've got it. Thank you. All of you, out!!!!
*Piper uses her new powers to cause a wind storm to throw the guys out of the room*
Chris: Now that's what I'm talking about.
Piper: Time for a morality check, Leo did not give us this power so we could form armies or love colts. The ancient Greeks indulged in their whims that way and look what they became.
Chris: Petty, evil, vindictive.
Piper: Thanks, I've got it.

Phoebe: Is that a jingle?
Paige: There are no Elders up there. Who's jingling?
Chris: It's Leo.
Piper: Leo can jingle?
Chris: Yup. He says an Elder is under attack. Like it or not, it's time to face the Titans.

*Chris orbs in*
Phoebe: Leo?
Paige: Oh, it's just you.
Chris: Hello to you too. So the Elders are taken care of. Where's Piper?
Phoebe: She's upstairs with the baby. Umm... could you bring us Leo?
Chris: He's busy. How's it going here?
Paige: Not so good. We keep trying to come up with a plan to defeat the Titans, but every battle simulation ends the same way.
Phoebe: With our death.
Chris: Hmm...
Paige: We could really use Leo right about now.
Chris: I'm starting to get that impression.
Phoebe: Could you bring him back?
Chris: For the last time, no. What is wrong with you two? Huh? You're acting hopeless.
Phoebe: I don't know. I mean, I guess I always feel like this right before a big battle. And then Leo comes down and I don't know how he does it, but he makes me feel like I have the power to do anything.
Paige: Really? It's different for me. It's like I forget that I even have any training, and I can't concentrate, but Leo helps me focus and calm down. You know, I'm starting to think that we take Leo for granted. Are you sure you can't get him?
Chris: Leo-- Leo is up there, ok? And he's got to stay up there until --. You know what? I'm not gonna go over this again. What can I do to get you two over the hump here?
Phoebe: Try saying this, it always works for Leo. Your power comes from your emotions.
Paige: Or what about this? Trust the power of three.
Phoebe: Or what about this one? I'm gonna go check with the Elders. Do you actually think he checks with the Elders?
Paige: No, he probably just orbs to a sports bar and buys his buddies rounds of drinks. Yeah, my wife thinks I'm up there. Here's to the Elders.
Chris: You really are helpless without him?

Chris: I need help.
Piper: Uh, excuse me. This is my bedroom. You can't just walk in here anytime you want to.
Chris: Yeah, I know. But your sisters need you. I got them working on the Titans, but I don't know how long that's gonna last.
Piper: I thought you needed me.
Chris: I did. I mean, I do. I need you because they need you. Actually, they need Leo. Look, will you please just go deal with them?
Piper: What's the matter, Chris? The all-knowing running out of answers?
Chris: Yes, yes, I am. If that will motivate you, yes, I'm losing control because I'm watching history repeat itself and nobody is willing to do a damn thing about it.
Piper: I feel your frustration.
Chris: Piper, if it helps, I get it. Ok? I do, really. You need Leo. Your sisters need Leo. But if you can't stop--.
Piper: You forgot the baby. The baby needs his father too.
Chris: Fine, but if you can't stop missing your husband long enough to see the bigger picture.
Piper: There is no bigger picture than my family.
Chris: Well, then pay attention because the world I grew up in, families hardly existed. I never had a chance to know mine.
Piper: Not my fault.
Chris: Not yet.
Piper: Is that what this is about? You blame us for what happened to you?
Chris: I just want you to get it right this time. Use your power of three, use your power as Gods. Save the world from going to hell.
Piper: If that's what you want then I will say it one more time, and maybe you will hear me. We need Leo. Now, excuse me. I have to go warm up a bottle.
*Chris walks over to Wyatt, and Wyatt puts up his magical barrier*
Chris: Don't worry. You'll come to trust me in time. They all will.

*Chris orbs in*
Leo: What are you doing? You're gonna expose us.
Chris: Shh... That's the idea.
*Chris comes out of hiding and whistles at the Titans, they throw fire at him, but he dodges it*
Chris: Hurry, go. Piper needs you.

Piper: Chris! Wherever you are, get your ass over here!
Leo: It's ok, Chris.
*Chris orbs in*
Chris: This better be an emergency, you are gonna lead the Titans straight to us.
Piper: What's happening to my husband?
Chris: Something amazing.
Piper: You know what? Cut the crap. You knew the Elders were gonna die, you coached Leo up there, you knew all of this was gonna happen.
Leo: Did you?
Chris: You're not serious.
Piper: Whatever it is you think you're doing, you need to make it stop.
Chris: Piper, nobody chose this. It chose Leo. What he did up there for all of us was nothing short of a miracle. Now he's receiving the ultimate reward, a chance to become a--.
Piper: Don't you dare say it.
Chris: The world needs sources of good to watch over it. Do you know a source of pure goodness better than Leo?
Piper: Leo is not-- he's not an Elder, ok? Because Elders don't live on earth. They don't have families. Ok? Just tell him you're not an Elder.
Leo: I don't know that I can.
Chris: I think that you should get back to your sisters.
Piper: No, not until you tell him.
Chris: They're waiting for you.
Leo: Chris is right. You need to get back to Paige and Phoebe.
Piper: No. Not until you say it.
Chris: The Titans are gonna be here any moment.
Piper: I said no!!!!!
*Piper uses her power to slam Chris into the wall, he is unconscious*

Paige: So much for the Titans.
Phoebe: Thank God.
Piper: You're welcome.

Paige: Anything on Piper?
Phoebe: Nope. I still can't get a read.
Chris: Just keep trying.
Paige: Ok, even if we do find her, how are we gonna get her back? She's on this major power trip. She destroyed the Titans, not even the Greek Gods could do that.
Chris: We just gotta hope she has some humanity still left inside.
Leo: If anyone can come back from this, it's Piper. I've gotta go now. If you need me, Chris knows how to get in touch.
Paige: Where are you going?
Leo: The Elders have returned to the heavens and they are calling for me.
*Leo orbs out*
Phoebe: Did he just bail on us? Is that what he did?
Paige: Uh, what about, you know, helping us find his wife?
Chris: He's trusting in you to do that.You need to find Piper and talk her down before she sets up shop somewhere and throws the world into chaos. Then it'll be too late for her.
Phoebe: Ok, maybe you missed the part about Piper being Leo's wife.
Chris: Look, you have to understand, things have changed. The Elders need Leo up there to help restore order.
Paige: Cut to the chase, future man. Is this about Leo being turned into an Elder, or what?
Chris: He's on the path.
Phoebe: Don't give us that creepy pod people smile, ok? In your world, being an Elder may be cool, but in our world it pretty much sucks. Leo is our brother-in-law.
Paige: And our Whitelighter.
Phoebe: And our friend.
Paige: And we don't want to lose him.

*Chris is sitting on the steps outside the manor when Leo orbs in*
Chris: So, the Elders decide what to do with me yet?
Leo: Well, you've been the subject of heated discussion. One thing we agreed upon is you can't return to the future.
Chris: I figured as much. The timeline's changed. I don't even know what I go back to. So, what did they decide?
Leo: The Elders voted to make you the Charmed One's new Whitelighter.
Chris: They did?
Leo: As a reward for helping defeat the Titans. But then, somehow I figured you knew that. You know, I can't stop thinking about what Piper said, and wondering myself if this wasn't part of your plan all along. Take good care of them Chris. Don't forget, I'll be watching over you.
*Leo orbs out, as he orbs out toward the sky, Chris waves his hand and causes the orbing lights to explode. Chris looks around, gets up, walks into the manor, and waves his hand to slam the door behind him*