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Charmed | Episode 6x15 | I Dream Of Phoebe
Transcribed By: Astrid Jane

*Phoebe walks into her office to see Chris waiting for her*
Chris: Phoebe, I need your help.
Phoebe: I've been calling for you all week. Didn't you hear me?
Chris: For the first couple of days, yeah, then I put you on mute.
Phoebe: You can put me on mute?
Chris: I had to. I was busy. Now, I need your help.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, and I need yours too. Because you come here, you drop this bombshell on me, and you expect me to keep this secret… And I don't even know why I'm keeping this secret!
Chris: Nobody can find out Piper and Leo are my parents. It could mess with the whole future.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, if you didn't want anyone to know I don't know why you told me.
Chris: I told you because you busted me! And I'm glad you did. I've been so focused on protecting Wyatt, I've completely forgotten about me. This month is my conception date.
Phoebe: Your conception date?
Chris: That's where I've been. Oracles, fortune-tellers, soothsayers, they all say the same thing. If mom and dad don't screw this month, I'm screwed.
Phoebe: Okay, I'm just trying to get used to you being my nephew. I never hit on you, did I?
Chris: What?! No.
Phoebe: Oh, thank God.
Chris: Can we focus here, please?! Mom and dad need to have sex. Now, who's going to tell them? You or me?
Phoebe: No! Nobody's going to tell them because we're not going to reopen those wounds.
Chris: Okay. So we get them back together.
Phoebe: No, "we"? There is no "we" here. "We" don't. You're the one that split them up. And why did you split them up?
Chris: Leo had to become an Elder to make room for me as your Whitelighter. It was the only way I could protect Wyatt from turning evil.
Phoebe: You're unbelievable. I mean, most kids who are the cause of their parents' divorce actually feel guilty and you - you're sitting here like it's part of your master plan!
Chris: I'm sensing some real issues here.
Phoebe: Oh, you're damn right, they're issues. You can't just pop in from the future and play with people's lives because your big brother picked on you!
Chris: He picked on the world, Phoebe!
Phoebe: I'm not finished! Your parents were happy until you split them up and now you want my help because you didn't think this all the way through?
Chris: Feel better?
Phoebe: Yes!
Chris: Will you help me?
Phoebe: No… Oh, I don't know.
Chris: If I'm not conceived in the next couple of weeks, I'll disappear forever.
*Chris lifts an envelope from Phoebe's pile of letters*
Chris: You're willing to help complete strangers. How about family?
*Phoebe gets a premonition from the envelope Chris is holding as she snatches it from him*
Chris: What is it? What did you see?
Phoebe: A woman being attacked.
Chris: Where?

*Phoebe and Chris walk into a cave*
Phoebe: Looks like a dig-site.
Chris: In the desert in the Middle East… You sure your scrying wasn't off?
Phoebe: Maybe Jinny is an archeologist.
Chris: Yeah, why would an archeologist in the Middle East send a letter to an advice columnist in San Francisco?
Phoebe: She said she was with a controlling man.
Chris: Okay, you're missing my point. What happens if this is a trap? What is that?
*As Chris bends down to examine a fossil, a scimitar embeds itself into the wall where he was just standing. Phoebe vanquishes the demons that threw the scimitar*
Chris: You think anyone heard them?
*A light dart hits Chris' shoulder and he falls to the ground. As the demon appears on a magic carpet, Chris telekinetically makes a scaffolding fall, and Phoebe tosses a potion vial at the demon, chasing it off. She runs over to Chris and helps him up*
Phoebe: You okay?
Chris: I'll be fine. Was that a flying carpet?
Phoebe: What is that?
*Phoebe picks up the bottle on the ground and inadvertently rubs it while dusting the sand of it. A genie appears*
Jinny: Thank you for responding to my letter!
Phoebe: Wait. Are you Jinny?
Jinny: At your service, Master!

*Leo puts his hand at Chris' shoulder, healing him*
Jinny: I could heal him, Master. Your warrior needs his strength. My last master will be coming back for me.
Phoebe: I think he's got it under control.
Jinny: Good idea. Save your wishes.
Leo: Did you get a good look at the demon?
Phoebe: I did. And when we're done here, I'll go up to the Book of Shadows to check it out. I also called Paige to see if she can keep an eye on Jinny for me.
Chris: Thanks.
Jinny: There is no need to guard me. Even if I was not bound to serve you, I would do it anyway for sparing me from Bosk.
Phoebe: Bosk?
Jinny: My last master. He was cruel, even for a demon. And I would know. My bottle has been passed around from demon to demon for centuries.
Leo: That's terrible.
Jinny: You cannot begin to know. That is why I got the message to Phoebe. I knew if she had my bottle, she would wish me free.
Phoebe: No wishes. I know all about genies, you're tricksters!
Leo: Listen, I got to get back up there. You think you can handle this without Piper?
Chris: Where is Piper?
Leo: On a date.
Chris: On a date in the middle of the day.
Phoebe: Yeah. Greg works nights.
Chris: Greg… Greg the fireman?! You mean the one she's insanely sexually attracted to?! Doesn't that bother you?!
Leo: No. If it makes her happy, that's all that matters.
Chris: Oh, come on! What about all these "forbidden lovers", you-and-me-against-the-world stuff? That just doesn't go away.
Leo: You know, Chris, it's a little late for male bonding. Especially since I'm petitioning the other Elders to send you back to your time.
Chris: What?
Phoebe: Wait. Are you serious?
Jinny: You look tense, Master. Neck rub?
Leo: Even though Chris' intentions are good, his methods have put us all at risk. So, he's going back.
Chris: You mean, abandoning me again.
Leo: Look, you did your job. You warned us about an evil that was after Wyatt. I think we can handle it from here.
Chris: I've got to stop him.
Phoebe: Don't worry. I'll talk to Leo.
Chris: No, no… Not Leo. Greg! The fireman. He's about to sleep with my mom!
*Chris begins to orb out*
Phoebe: I really wish you wouldn't do that!
*Jinny presses her palms together and grants Phoebe's wish rendering Chris unable to orb*
Chris: What just happened?
Jinny: Your wish is my command, Master!
*Paige enters from the front door*
Paige: Alright! Where's the genie?

Chris: Phoebe! Will you do something, please? I can't orb!
*A bracelet magically appears on Paige's wrist*
Paige: Damn him.
Phoebe: You know, Paige, if he won't listen to you maybe he'll listen to his family.
Paige: Most of them are dead. Remember? The feud?
Jinny: Please! We do not have time for this! If Bosk captures me, Zanbar will rise again from the dust!
Paige: It's just a city.
Jinny: A city of magic. Bosk has been using his thieves to search for its former site. If he finds it and wishes it back, there will be no stopping him. That is why you must wish me free, Master. If I am not a genie, it will solve your problems and mine. I beg you.
Chris: Hey! A little help here, please.
*Paige's outfit magically transforms into a gown*
Paige: Ah!
Phoebe: Okay. I'm losing my mind. Paige, go to Richard. Deal with it so you can help us.
Paige: Okay.
*Phoebe turns to Chris*
Phoebe: You! I will help you get your parents back together but it has to be on my terms. Agreed?
Chris: Agreed.
Phoebe: Go get Piper, we could use her help. Uh… I wish that he could orb.
*Jinny grants Phoebe's wish and Chris orbs out*

*Chris knocks on Greg's apartment door*
Chris: Piper! Piper!
Piper: Forget it.
Chris: I know you're in there. Please open the door now.
Piper: Just a sec.
Chris: Piper? Open the door. Piper!
*Piper opens the door and looks at Chris*
Piper: Go away.
Chris: We have an emergency.
Greg: Is there a problem here?
Chris: Yeah, many problems, many levels. Piper has to come home now.
Greg: Excuse me? Who are you again?
Chris: I'm a friend of her husband's.
Piper: Ex-husband. And he's not really a great friend. Umm… it's okay. I got it.
Greg: Well, I'm here if you need me.
*Greg and Piper kiss as Chris watches in disbelief. Greg leaves*
Piper: What is this big emergency? Can it wait an hour or two?
Chris: No, it can't. There's a demon on the loose, a genie running amok, and it took me two wishes to get here.
Piper: You can't make wishes with genies.
Chris: See! We need you. Come on, let's orb.
*Chris takes Piper's hand but she slaps his hand away*
Piper: No. No. No… Listen. I am not going to leave him high and dry again without an explanation. So your demon can wait… five minutes.

*Chris orbs in with Piper to join Phoebe and Jinny in the attic*
Piper: Okay. Let's go. Greg's not going to wait forever.
Chris: Well, then you should dump him.
Piper: What is that supposed to mean?
Phoebe: He's just being overprotective!
Piper: I take it you're the genie.
Jinny: Jinny!
Phoebe: Jinny the genie.
Piper: Of course. Who's the demon?
*Chris walks over to the Book of Shadows*
Chris: Uh… It's a low-level demon with minimal powers. There's a vanquishing potion.
Phoebe: Yah. That's what I'm working on.
Piper: Good. Then you're almost done with me too. Okay, so what's your plan - summon him to us?
Phoebe: Yah. That was what I was thinking.
Chris: What's the rush?
Piper: Well, not that it's any of your business but Greg's shift starts in a few hours and I won't see him for three days. So I'm going to go call him and umm… I'd put the genie back in the bottle just to be safe. No offence, but we've been burned before.
*Piper leaves and Phoebe lifts the bottle*
Phoebe: Do you mind?
Jinny: Yes, Master.
*Jinny disappears into the bottle*
Phoebe: I feel so bad.
Chris: As well you should. If we don't do something soon, I could end up half fireman instead of half Whitelighter.
Phoebe: Oh, for goodness sake.
Chris: Look, I'm running out of time here. So, what do you say, we get to use that genie to make mom and dad… you know.
Phoebe: That's vile and against the rules. I would think that you wouldn't want to be conceived that way.
Chris: Beats not being conceived at all.
Phoebe: Look, I told you, I would help you on my terms, okay? So back off!
Chris: What are your terms?
Phoebe: Hmm, not really sure yet but I am done with this potion. So as soon as Piper gets back, we are ready to go.
*A demon on a flying carpet crashes through the window, knocking Chris over. Phoebe throws the vanquishing potion to no avail*
Demon: Not this time, witch.
Phoebe: Jinny, I wish you free!
*Jinny emerges from the bottle*
Jinny: Well, it's about time. Who's the master now?
*Jinny throws a fireball at the demon, vanquishing him. Piper enters*
Piper: Chris!
*Chris telekinetically makes the bottle come to him. Jinny leaves on the flying carpet*
Chris: Where's Phoebe?
Phoebe: Here! In here!
*Chris looks into the bottle*
Phoebe: Hello… Master.

*Piper peers into the bottle*
Piper: Will you come out of there, please?
Phoebe: I can't! I don't know how. Try commanding me!
Piper: Uh… okay. Get the hell out of there!
Phoebe: No, not you. My… master.
Chris: You mean me?
Phoebe: Well, yeah, you did pick up the bottle, didn't you.
Chris: Alright, get out of the bottle. I command you.
*Phoebe appears*
Piper: You look ridiculous.
Phoebe: I feel ridiculous.
Piper: Well, how am I supposed to get back to Greg now with this?
Phoebe: Is that all you care about? Would you look at me? I am trapped in pantaloons, right now. Where is the mirror? Look.
*Phoebe looks into the mirror*
Phoebe: And oh, why do I always get stuck with the wig?!
Piper: Trust me, you don't. Leo!
Chris: Have you ever noticed that Leo was the first person you call in your time of need?
*Leo orbs in and look at Phoebe*
Leo: Uh-oh.
Phoebe: Yeah, right, uh-oh.
Piper: I still can't believe you made a wish with the genie. You know better than that.
Phoebe: I thought she was an innocent. How was I to know I was going to unleash a demon?
Leo: Say over here.
*Leo lifts the bottle and looks at it*
Phoebe: Oh right. Right there. In Arabic.
Piper: There's a warning label on the genie bottle?
Leo: Yeah, an ancient sorcerer condemned a demon into the bottle for not marrying him. It says whoever tries to free her, they'd have to switch places with her. You missed a big one, buddy.
Chris: You want to pin this on me?
Phoebe: Leo, it's not his fault. It's my fault.
Piper: How come your empathy thing didn't give her away?
Phoebe: She tricked me and obviously, the Book too.
Chris: Let's just figure out a way to fix this, okay?
Leo: Well, the only way to fix it is to get the demon to wish Phoebe free - reverse the magic.
Phoebe: That's what we need to do then.
Piper: I'll call Paige.
Phoebe: Yes, I do believe the element of surprise is very important here.
*Piper leaves*
Chris: Are you sure? Because we can always take our time with this planning - you know, keep Piper around just a little bit longer.
Phoebe: Yes, Master.
Chris: Good. I'm glad you agree.
Phoebe: Actually, I don't agree but I can't, I can't… How am I supposed to take charge and take commands all at the same time?
Leo: You won't have to. Chris is coming back up there with me. The Elders have agreed to send him back to his time.
Chris: What?!
Phoebe: You don't know what you're doing here, Leo.
Leo: You don't belong here. And as your Whitelighter, he's doing more harm than good.
Chris: You are so full of it! This isn't about me being a bad Whitelighter, it's about you feeling like I've let you down somehow! So whatever issues you might have with me, I wish you would just get over with it already!
*Phoebe presses her palms together, granting Chris' wish*
Chris: Leo?
Leo: Of course I forgive you, man. You don't have to yell. All you got to do is ask!
Chris: I did?
Leo: Yeah, and listen with the whole going back to the future thing, you know, don't even worry about it because I'll talk to the other Elders and we're going to work it out, okay? It's no big deal, okay. Come on, give me a hug!
*Leo hugs the bewildered Chris*

*Chris walks into the attic to find Leo*
Chris: Hey, Piper sent me up here for you and the crystals. Genie Phoebe is getting on her last nerves down there. What are you doing?
Leo: I'm writing you an apology. I just… I can't seem to get it right.
Chris: Leo, come on, man. You don't need to do that.
Leo: I know that I don't need to but I want to. It feels good to forgive.
Chris: Yeah, why don't you just hold on to that feeling, okay? We got to go help the sisters.
Leo: Alright, well, in a minute. This is just as important. Dear Chris…
Chris: Alright, alright… Enough already. You said you were sorry. Let's just not go overboard.
Leo: Okay, but after everything I've put you through I feel like I owe it to you.
Chris: Honestly, a letter's not going to mean a hell of a lot to me. I've got plenty of them growing up.
Leo: Sorry?
Chris: Err… from my father. He wasn't around much.
Leo: That's awful. You want to talk about it?
Chris: No! What I want from you is to grab the crystals and go downstairs to where Piper is. Do you remember her?
Leo: Sure. Right now I'm a little more concerned about you. You seem a little stressed.
Chris: Yeah, you're damn right I'm stressed. I'm concerned about you two. You two need to get back together already. Any chance that's going to happen?
Leo: I don't think so. But thanks for caring, man, that means a lot.
Chris: Wait. You still love her. I know you do. How could you just throw that away?
Leo: It's a little personal, don't you think?
Chris: More than you know. Look, are you telling that there is no chance that you and Piper are going to hook up in let's say… I don't know, the next couple of weeks?
Leo: Actually, yeah. That's what I'm saying. We've both moved on and nothing short of a miracle could make that happen.

*Leo and Chris, laughing together, enter the conservatory where Piper, Phoebe and Paige are*
Leo: Here's the crystals you wanted.
Paige: You guys sure are chummy.
Leo: Yeah, I had a change of heart. Decided to let bygones be bygones.
Piper: Really…
Phoebe: Guys, there's something I have to tell you…
Chris: Uh, after we talk in the kitchen.
Phoebe: But-
Chris: Phoebe.
*Chris raises the bottle and Phoebe disappears into it*
Chris: That was cool. Now, excuse me, I'm going to have a little one-on-one with the help.

Phoebe: You want to make them do what?!
Chris: We finally got dad in a good mood and mom - she's all sexed-up for the fireman. This is the perfect time to hit them with the whammy.
Phoebe: No, we are not going to make Piper and Leo sleep together, okay. We're going to do this my way, mister.
Chris: Master.
Phoebe: Oh, you know what, listen to me-
Chris: I'm sorry, Phoebe, but I'm running out of time here. A guy's got to survive. I wish for Piper and Leo to sleep together tonight.
Phoebe: I'm not-
*Phoebe involuntarily grants Chris' wish and thumps are heard out in the hall*
Chris: What was that?

*Phoebe and Chris enter the hall to see Piper and Leo unconscious on the floor*
Chris: They're sleeping. You tricked me.
Phoebe: No, you made me wish for them to sleep together. And they're sleeping together.
Chris: This is a mess. I've only got one more wish to sort this thing out so if you don't mind…
Phoebe: Oh, no, actually I do mind because Jinny could be here at any moment.
Chris: You know what, I'll summon you when she does. I command you back into the bottle.
Phoebe: When I get out of this-
*Phoebe disappears into the bottle*

Chris: Mind the bottle, Phoebe's inside.
Paige: Sword! Crystals… Circle! Got her.
Chris: Where's the bottle?
Paige: Richard?
*Paige and Chris turn to see Richard holding the bottle. Richard dematerializes, taking the bottle with him*

*Chris puts a blanket over Piper as Paige walks into the hall*
Paige: Think she can scare me… They're still asleep? Have you tried smelling salts?
Chris: It won't work. Trust me.
Paige: What's wrong with them?
Chris: It's a long story.
Paige: I don't know, why don't you give me the cliff notes version? Come on, Chris, you and Leo and Phoebe have all been acting weird since before the demon attacked. What's going on?
Chris: Alright… I made a little wish.
Paige: You did what?
Chris: Two little wishes…
Paige: Oh, great, it's not bad enough I have to worry about Richard, now I have to worry about you too! What did you wish for?
Chris: For Leo to forgive me - which by the way was an accident.
Paige: And?
Chris: For Piper and Leo to sleep together.
Paige: You! Oh my god, you are sick! What is wrong with you?! You're disgusting!
Chris: No… No…
Paige: You are some creepy registered sex offender from the future?!
Chris: No… I'm Piper and Leo's son.
Paige: Oh my god, you're so gross! What?!
Chris: They're my parents. I came back to save my family.
Paige: You're serious?
Chris: Yeah… Only now, I got to save myself. Because if my mom doesn't get pregnant in the next month, there is no me.
Paige: This is all so wrong… And this has been such a long day.
Chris: Look, I'm going to orb over to Richard's, okay? And grab the bottle.
Paige: No, you can't, he's uh… He's crazy right now. He might hurt you, okay. I need to strip him of his powers. The whole thing…
Chris: Well, how's that going to help?
Paige: He's been corrupted by magic and if I don't strip him of his powers, I might not be able to save him. Who else knows about this?
Chris: About me? Just Phoebe.
Paige: Alright, you watch Jinny, I'm going to go make this potion, okay?

*Chris opens the Manor's front door to see Greg standing there*
Chris: Aren't you supposed to be at work or something?
Greg: I'm on a break. I came to surprise Piper.
Chris: Oh… little booty call, huh?
Greg: Is she here?
Chris: No, sorry, she's sleeping.
Greg: Wait. I don't believe you.
Chris: Okay, see for yourself.
*Greg sees Piper and Leo sleeping together on the couch*
Chris: You want me to tell her you stopped by?
Greg: Uh… no… that… that won't be necessary.

*Chris closes the Manor's door after Greg*
Chris: Sorry, mom, it's for the best.
*He walks into the hall to see Jinny standing over Piper and Leo with a fireball in her hand*
Jinny: Take me to the bottle.

*Chris and Jinny orb into Richard's house*
Phoebe: What are you doing here?
*Jinny throws the fireball at Phoebe, Paige and Richard but misses*
Jinny: Genie, I wish the Charmed Ones dead!
*Richard presses his palms together and grants Jinny's wish. Phoebe and Paige fall to the ground*
Chris: NO!
Jinny: Now, into the bottle.
*Richard disappears into the bottle. Jinny looks at Chris*
Jinny: My condolences.

Chris: No… You can't be dead yet. It's not your time. I know it's not your time.
*Phoebe and Paige's spirits rise into the air*
Chris: I'm sorry… I'm… This… I'm so sorry… This is all my fault. She was going to kill mom and dad.

Ghost Phoebe: Hey, Chris, we're not moving on.
Ghost Paige: Why aren't we moving on?
Chris: Who cares? You're still here.
Ghost Paige: Got any unfinished business?
Ghost Phoebe: No. You?
Ghost Paige: Yah, now that you mention it. It would have been nice to find out I had another nephew before I died.
Ghost Phoebe: I was going to tell you but I just didn't get a chance.
Chris: Guys, we can fix this. We can reverse the magic. All we need to do is to get the bottle.
Ghost Phoebe: That's true. We're ghosts. We can possess Jinny. Where is Jinny?
Ghost Paige: Well, she was planning to conjure the lost city.
Ghost Phoebe: Don't worry. We're going to take care of this! Should we go check on Piper first?
Chris: No… No, no, Piper's fine. I mean, she has to be, right? If she was dead, I would have vanished.
Ghost Paige: How do we reach Jinny?
Chris: You're ghosts. You can haunt anybody you want. You should just concentrate and it should wisp you right to her.
*Phoebe and Paige concentrate and begin to wisp out*
Chris: Wait for me!

Ghost Paige: I wouldn't unpack just now if I were you.
Jinny: Why haven't you moved on? You're dead!
Ghost Phoebe: So are you.
*Ghost Phoebe jumps into Jinny, possessing her. The guards begin to fight Chris. He telekinetically throws one aside*
Ghost Paige: Watch out!
Chris: Phoebe, a little help here?
*Jinny throws two fireballs at the guards advancing on Chris, vanquishing them*
Jinny: I think I've gotten control over the body.
Ghost Paige: Okay, all clear.
Jinny: Richard, I wish you free.
*Richard appears and Ghost Phoebe jumps out of Jinny's body as Jinny is pulled back into the bottle*
Jinny: NO!
Ghost Paige: Hi, honey…
Jinny: Let me out of here!
Richard: I wish the Charmed Ones alive again.
Jinny: Yes, Master.
*Richard's wish is granted as Ghost Phoebe and Ghost Paige wisp away*
Chris: You okay?
Richard: Take this. Get it out of my sight.
Chris: Sure. But could you get rid of that thing first?
Richard: Yeah, no problem.

Chris: They're not waking up. How come they're not waking up?
Phoebe: Would you relax?
Chris: Relax? I'm sorry, did you say relax? Because I'm about to disappear, vanish forever, cease to exist!
Phoebe: Oh my god, you are so dramatic.
*Piper and Leo stir*
Phoebe: Hey! You okay?
Piper: I think so. What… what… what are you doing?
Leo: Umm… I don't know, I swear. What's going on?
Phoebe: Arabic sleeping potion. Very strong. Not good.
Piper: You mean Jinny did this?
Phoebe: Who else?
Piper: Well, we got to stop her.
Phoebe: We already did while you were sleeping. She's back in the bottle.
Chris: Which we were sort of hoping you could take of for us.
*Chris hands the bottle to Leo*
Leo: So that's it? It's all over?
Chris: Pretty much. I mean, you still forgive me, right?
Leo: Of course.
Chris: Good.
Phoebe: I still wanna know why we all didn't die. What? I'm curious.
Chris: Oh sure, you don't mind them knowing that they almost died but not that I'm… never mind.
Piper: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: Jinny made a wish for the Charmed Ones to die and we almost did but then, we turned into ghosts and…
Piper: Huh… So that wasn't a dream I had. I was floating over my body looking down at me and then uh… you healed me.
Leo: I did?
Piper: Yeah. I called to you when you were sleeping and somehow you must have heard me and… you wouldn't let me go…
Chris: Well, then that must be the reason why Phoebe and Paige's spirits didn't move on. See, the wish was for all the Charmed Ones to die. So saving you must have saved them.
Piper: That was really sweet of you.
Leo: Anytime. So you wanna go with me to get Wyatt?
Piper: Sure!
*Piper and Leo orb out*
Chris: Wait! What… What about me?
Phoebe: I wouldn't give up. There may be hope for you yet.